Limericks

Apr 25, 2020
Originally published on April 25, 2020 2:41 pm
Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924 - or click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org And if you want more WAIT WAIT in your week, just check out the WAIT WAIT quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions, all in the comfort of your home. The WAIT WAIT quiz - it's what passes for entertainment these days.

(SOUNDBITE OF GOAT BLEATING)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LORIE SEGAL: Hi, this is Lorie Segal from Durham, N.C.

SAGAL: Oh, OK. And what do you do in Durham when you're allowed to do it?

SEGAL: (Laughter) I teach elementary school music.

SAGAL: Oh, my gosh. You teach all grades in elementary school?

SEGAL: Kindergarten through fifth grade, yes.

SAGAL: And which grade do you like the best?

SEGAL: (Laughter) I'm not supposed to say, am I? It's a secret.

SAGAL: I don't care.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: They're not going to hear this. They're listening to "Baby Shark" somewhere.

SEGAL: That's true. Third grade, I think, is my favorite.

SAGAL: Oh, my God. The fourth-graders are going to be so mad.

SEGAL: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Lorie, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

SEGAL: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: He's jumped past the fast-track line, whizzing free. He's the king of the theme park now, isn't he? But one thing is tricky - no Donald, no Mickey. He's roaming alone there in...

SEGAL: Oh (laughter). It's about - is it about the tiger king?

SAGAL: No, no.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A completely different kind of attraction.

KURTIS: Let me try one more time. He's jumped past the fast-track line, whizzing free. He's the king of the theme park now, isn't he? But one thing is tricky - no Donald, no Mickey. He's roaming alone there in...

FAITH SALIE: Lorie, think of it as the emptiest place on Earth.

SEGAL: Disney.

SAGAL: Disney, yes.

SEGAL: Disney (laughter).

SAGAL: Congratulations. California police were called after a man scaled the fence into Disneyland. The man enjoyed 10 beautiful minutes alone in the park, which was just enough time for him to regret paying extra for the FastPass.

BURBANK: And it turns out it was Tom Brady.

SAGAL: (Laughter) He just wanders around.

BURBANK: You buried the lead on that one, Sagal.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Crime's contagious. You can't shake it off you. Even COVID can't make the mob loftier. Since Italy's lockdown keeps all of the cops down, the quarantine's good for the...

SEGAL: Mafia.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: He gave you a rhyme you can't refuse.

KURTIS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: While the global economy is struggling, the Italian Mafia apparently is thriving. So good news if you're out of work because of the pandemic - there's going to be a lot of new jobs in the kneecapping industry. According to various reports, the Mafia is, quote, "cementing their power" during the pandemic, which is a nice change from their usual cementing a dude into cement.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: As you're out and about catching rays, you could wander in hedges for days. A new park we're designing that's just like "The Shining," our park will be one giant...

SEGAL: Maze.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Urban planners in Austria have created a new city park concept designed to keep visitors six feet apart at all times. The park is basically a giant labyrinth made of hedges, which is a great way to avoid strangers and a terrible place to play fetch with your dog. The design has already attracted some attention. Who wouldn't want to go to a park where everybody has to stay away from you? And a park focused on keeping away from other people is an improvement over our current parks, where you're focused on keeping away from the trash cans full of bees.

BURBANK: I - that sounds very ominous to me because everything I know about hedge mazes is from the end of "The Shining."

SAGAL: Yes.

MO ROCCA: Right.

BURBANK: And from what I remember, it doesn't end great...

SAGAL: No.

BURBANK: ...For Jack Torrance.

SAGAL: No, I don't think "The Shining" made people want to go either to mountain resorts in the winter or into hedge mazes. Bill, how did Lorie do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Lorie got them all right. 3-0, Lorie.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

SEGAL: Yay (ph).

SAGAL: And well done. Thank you so much. That was a musical yay by the way.

SEGAL: Thank you.

SAGAL: I appreciate it. Bye-bye.

SEGAL: (Laughter) Goodbye.

(SOUNDBITE OF THE BUDOS BAND'S "RIDE OR DIE") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.