Lightning Fill In The Blank

Apr 11, 2020
Originally published on April 17, 2020 5:34 pm
Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they now can. Each correct answer's worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Josh has three, Helen has four points and Tom is in the lead with six points.

SAGAL: All right. Well, this is exciting. OK. Josh, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Here we go. On Thursday, British Prime Minister blank was moved out of intensive care.

JOSH GONDELMAN: Boris Johnson.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Stephanie Grisham left her post as the White House blank.

GONDELMAN: Press secretary?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, two people filed suit against search giant blank for collecting students' biometric data.

GONDELMAN: Google?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a man in the U.K. caught with a duffle bag full of weed explained that he wasn't trying to sell it; he was blanking.

GONDELMAN: Holding it for a friend?

SAGAL: Just buying in bulk because of the lockdown. On Thursday, astronaut Chris Cassidy arrived safely at the blank.

GONDELMAN: International Space Station?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Grammy-winning folk icon blank passed away at the age of 73.

GONDELMAN: John Prine.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A driver in China had to pull into a fire station for help after noticing...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...He had blank stuck to his windshield.

GONDELMAN: A bird.

SAGAL: No, an angry four-foot-long snake. The man was shocked when he discovered the snake crawling up his windshield but not as shocked as the snake, who thought this was his Uber. After firemen removed him from the windshield, the snake thanked them and then asked if he could eat the cat they had just rescued from that tree.

(SOUNDBITE OF MEOWING CAT SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Josh Gondelman do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Josh had five right for 10 more points. He now has 13 points and the lead.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: All right. Very well done, Josh. OK, Helen. You are up next. Please fill in the blank. On Wednesday, officials in China officially lifted the lockdown on the city of blank.

HELEN HONG: Wuhan.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a report released this week, 1 in 3 tenants did not pay blank in April.

HONG: Rent.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A museum employee spent his lockdown building an art museum at home for his blank.

HONG: His dog.

SAGAL: His gerbils. Dogs don't like art; gerbils do. On Sunday, a blank at the Bronx Zoo tested positive for coronavirus.

HONG: A tiger.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant were the big names elected to be inducted into the blank.

HONG: Basketball Hall of Fame.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a group of nudists...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...In the Czech Republic were fined by police for blanking.

HONG: Putting on clothes?

SAGAL: For not wearing face masks.

HONG: (Laughter).

SAGAL: While pants may not be mandatory in the Czech Republic, face masks definitely are, which is why police were called in to deal with a group of nude sunbathers who weren't wearing proper protective gear. So if you're ever wondering which of your neighbors is secretly a nudist, just look for the one with a really distinctive tan line around their mouth. Bill, how did Helen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, she had four right for eight more points. She now has 12 points, one behind Josh, who still has the lead.

SAGAL: All right. So how many, then, does Tom need to win?

KURTIS: Tom needs four to win.

SAGAL: All right, Tom. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump removed the watchdog who was leading the oversight of the $2.2 trillion blank fund.

TOM BODETT: Siri, on Tuesday, President Trump...

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I'm trying to take advantage of our - the - you know, the big bailout, the trillion-dollar...

SAGAL: Yeah, for the coronavirus crisis, sure.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Despite an emergency declaration from the governor, blank held in-person voting on Tuesday.

BODETT: Wisconsin.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Allstate announced they would return premiums because no one is blanking.

BODETT: Nobody is paying them.

SAGAL: No, nobody is driving. On Thursday, long-running sketch show blank announced they would be returning with a remote episode this weekend.

BODETT: "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

SAGAL: No, "Saturday Night Live." With sports on indefinite hiatus...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Desperate gamblers have started to bet on blank.

BODETT: The coronavirus.

SAGAL: No, they've started to bet on reality TV competitions.

BODETT: Did get every single one wrong? I'm just curious (laughter).

SAGAL: It's possible. Sports fans are filling the gambling-shaped hole in their wallets by betting on reality shows, like "Top Chef," which is a great way to both lose money and remind yourself what real food looks like. Bookies are taking bets on everything from who will be eliminated to what the challenges will be. But contestants are reminded that throwing the game here can also mean getting salmonella. Bill, did Tom do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, he got two right.

SAGAL: Hey, that's something.

KURTIS: Four more points, total of 10. That means Josh is this week's winner.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Josh.

BODETT: Well, speaking of bookies, I - was that obvious that I threw the game to Josh? I mean...

SAGAL: (Laughter) This Is like "Quiz Show" but the Jew wins.

(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.