Limericks

Apr 18, 2020
Originally published on April 18, 2020 11:51 am
Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more WAIT WAIT... in your week, check out the WAIT WAIT Quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking your questions on the comfort of your home. Thank you, smart speaker. You're my only friend.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

RACHEL BANICK: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

BANICK: This is Rachel Banick calling from Wyoming.

SAGAL: Hey. Where in Wyoming?

BANICK: Cheyenne, Wyo.

SAGAL: Oh, I'm so lucky. I know where Cheyenne is. That's great. What do you do there?

BANICK: I just moved here a couple days ago because I start as a new doctor in the end of June. I finished med school a couple months ago.

SAGAL: Wait a minute. You, in the middle of a pandemic, finished medical school, moved halfway across the country to Cheyenne, Wyo., to start your career as a doctor.

BANICK: Yeah.

SAGAL: Are you sure that you are not the protagonist in a Lifetime TV movie?

(LAUGHTER)

BANICK: Maybe later.

SAGAL: Well, Rachel, welcome to our show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

BANICK: Yes.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: At a mammoth, my club I will swing. Now I'm weaving its hair to a thing. I am twisting the strands with my big clumsy hands. I am making a big ball of...

BANICK: String.

SAGAL: Yes. String.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Scientists in France have found a 50,000-year-old piece of string. This finding shows an important evolutionary step, as it's well known that the invention of string led directly to the invention of the junk drawer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The early twine was made out of bark and shows either that Neanderthals were observing their environment to develop complex tools or that their kid had to make a mobile for art class.

ADAM FELBER: Why me tie this to my finger?

SAGAL: Oh, yes. Remind myself to invent wheel.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: Oh, what wheel again? Should've tied second piece of string.

FELBER: Now have to make second piece string.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Antarctica's climate's the poorest. It's a nightmare for farmers and florists. But once, it was good with deep thickets of wood. The Antarctic was once a rain...

BANICK: Forest.

SAGAL: Yes, a rainforest.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Researchers analyzing sediment from Antarctica believe the region may have once been a rainforest after finding well-preserved samples of root systems and pollen and the ruins of a prehistoric Rainforest Cafe. Of course...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: An Arctic rainforest would be different from a tropical rainforest. For instance, the hallucinogenic frogs in the Antarctic were dangerous because if you licked them, your tongue got stuck to them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Researchers believe that, 90 million years ago, temperatures in Antarctica were much warmer than they are - or were. Turns out that below the fossils of the woolly mammoths, there must be fossils of breathable linen mammoths.

NEGIN FARSAD: (Laughter).

FELBER: Made of string.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes. If there really was a rainforest in prehistoric times, it does raise the possibility that Neanderthals may have invented strings so they could invent zipline tours.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Rachel, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Online meetings are cold and remote. So let's add some sweet bleats from warm throats. I don't see no harm to Zoom in with a farm. So be quiet and unmute the...

BANICK: Goat.

KURTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Very good, Rachel. If you want to one-up your co-worker's dumb cat, you can pay $65 for a goat to join your Zoom call. A California farm is offering to bring the petting zoo to your Zoom. They're calling it Goat 2 Meeting.

(GROANING)

SAGAL: And it's a virtual conference with a farm animal of your choice. Sure, a pony might be distracting but really no more distracting than Terry's dumb background of Wrigley Field. So good news, animals - we're finally treating you as equals. And now you have to attend meetings.

(SOUNDBITE OF GOAT BLEATING)

FARSAD: After the initial blush of, like, intrigue, the goat may provide, what is the - you know, it's not like the goat is going to be, you know, presenting a TPS report or whatever. So...

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: So then you could sort of like...

FELBER: I can see some tech CEO going like, no, no. Hold on a second here.

FARSAD: (Laughter).

FELBER: I think the goat's onto something.

GROSZ: I've been microdosing ever since this whole thing started. I'd like to talk to the goat.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Ah, interesting. I've been macrodosing. Look. Another goat.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: You're all goats.

FELBER: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Bill, how did Rachel do on our quiz?

KURTIS: What a great way to start a new job, Rachel, with a perfect score.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Rachel.

FARSAD: Well done.

SAGAL: And thank you so much for calling to play. And good luck in your new career. And good luck in your new home, as well.

BANICK: Thank you. It was my pleasure. Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG")

JAMES BROWN: (Singing) Ain't no drag - papa's got a brand-new bag.

(SOUNDBITE OF GOAT BLEATING) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.