The unknown is often what is most uncomfortable to address, and what is more unknown in the Western culture than the end of life. We often discourage people from talking about death. Oh, don’t be morbid! When a loved one dies, a coroner quickly removes the deceased from our presence. A funeral home takes care of the rest. But is that the right way to approach the topic of death? What if the person who is dying wants to talk about the experience? That’s where Alycia Lee, a death doula with Starlight Doula, helps to make the unknown known.
“The word doula originally means ‘with woman’,” Lee says. “And that’s in the context of birth. Ultimately, I think the word doula became popular because you’re with someone who is going through something intense. You are there for support, accompaniment, advice, whatever might be needed in that moment. It’s a pretty broad spectrum of services that we can offer, kind of anything around end of life.”
Not only does Lee offer support to the person experiencing end of life, but she is also available to help family and loved ones. Beginning with encouraging open conversation, she can also assist in preparing advance care directives, help with funeral planning, creating rituals and ceremonies, and other such services. Lee also works with pets during end of life, as the grief of losing a pet for many can be equally intense.
Asked why so many are uncomfortable talking about death, Lee replies: “I think a big part of it is fear. We have lost touch with being around death. It was as far back as the Civil War that people stopped taking care of bodies at home. We just weren’t exposed to it as a normal part of life. It’s something that every single one of us will experience, and yet it is so taboo. In our culture, we are under so much pressure to put a certain face out there, and to think about or speak about death goes against that.”
Lee leads a monthly discussion group, called Death Café, at Kazoo Books, 2413 Parkview Avenue, on the fourth Tuesday of every month. Visit Starlight Doula to learn more.
Listen to WMUK's Story Beat every Friday at 7:50 a.m. and 4:20 p.m.
